IT ALL CAME DOWN TO THIS

Photography by Laura Stevens

He says he's confused. He doesn't know what to feel, and whether he wants to do anything about it or not. It should be his issues ------- but it confuses me too.

I know what to do now: I WILL BE THE ONE TO WALK AWAY. It's better this way. It's better for everyone. It's best for me.

We have very different approaches when it comes to dating. He's the type of guy who likes a lot of women. He's the type who treads waters for the other fish in the sea. In our vernacular, he stands by the adage: "Hanap. Usap. Deal." He thinks it is best ----- what with now being in the modern age and all.

That's his call. I know that he's a genuinely "nice" guy, but here's a flaw in his philosophy: All it has are IMPLIED INTENTIONS.

I don't want that. I want someone who knows from the first time we met, that I'm something else. I want someone who knows in all hell that he can't pass up the opportunity to know me. I want someone who doesn't say anything unless he knows that his feelings are definite. I want someone who knows my worth. I want someone who would pursue me against the odds. I need someone with CLEAR INTENTIONS.

He says he wants us to be close friends. Sure, why not? But texting and social media is not going to cut it for me. Ask any of my friends. The reason why we became close and I value them with my life is because we spend actual time together. I have a close friend who I see almost every other day, and I love her. I have another who I see twice a month, and I love him the same. If you won't do that, then I'm sorry. We're better off as acquaintances, and not as texting buddies.

This will be hard to do. Even just thinking about it, is. There will be nights when it might feel like it all just happened yesterday. It might be tempting to go back, or sing Kumbaya every time the blue light in my phone flickers -------- please. I should know better now. 

The pain stings, yes. But how will it heal if I won't start now? If I won't take this initiative?

It's better this way. It's better for everyone. It's best for me.

A scenario, though. If he realizes all these, and now truly wants to pursue me ------- let it be. If he doesn't ------- it's God's hand.

He is preparing me for someone better. He is preparing the one who actually deserves me. He is preparing the one who has a heart like His.

P.S. 1 John 3:20